Thursday, April 17, 2008

MISSION 2 | WEEK 7 | day 1-3-5

Three entries in one...hmm after promising daily entries, some committment huh!

Where do I start. first reaction is to defend myself whilst baring my soul. My second is, why do that. If you are going to rip open your chest and expose yourself for the planet and surrounds to see then do it right, hold nothing back.

Therefore I ask for no sympathy, no tsk, tsk sounds that emanate from the front of the pallet and mean " poor baby, I understand". I do this willingly in a cathartic cleansing way and I write without thought but rather allowing the words to spill over like a somewhat murky waterfall crashing onto a rock floor far below.

I am in the 2nd round of this particular "world title fight" have been knocked down for the umteenth time.

My opponent, an unruly, undisciplined , big mouthed trash talking lout is....ME.

Of all the battles we fight in this lifetime the biggest we encounter is with OURSELVES dougal macdonald

I repeat platitudes to myself like "I am only defeated if I don't get up", and my other voice then replies with "What a lot of Crap" you loser and so it goes.

To be honest I am exhausted from the internal battles I fight daily.

Here is where we get to "what the hell is he talking about"

When I started this journey with Adam I committed to blogging my journey daily. I did that and then some...and then the old demons appeared. Xmas vacation intervened and I ate and drank whatever I wanted, with an internal committment to getting back in the saddle post vacation.

...and that's when it began. I just don't get can it be so darned easy to stick to a plan for a minimum of 84 days, perfectly and so difficult to get back to it after a couple of weeks out of the saddle.

I's not like I stopped fact my training is going better than ever. It's just that my eating is a disaster. I have a very addictive personality and one of my weaknesses was sweets so three years ago I gave up sweets completely and I mean nothing....I deliberately had some chocolates over xmas and havn't stopped eating sweet stuff since. I mean just today I've eaten 2 packets of biscuits.

The worst part is " OK, I'm going to start again tomorrow." Pfwhaaa, what nonsense. I've done that a hundred times since the vacation.

I feel like I've stepped back miles from where I was at my worst before AW.

What's even worse is the fact that I'm a fitness professional with all the book knowledge in the world. In fact my clients are getting great results whilst I'm getting fatter.

I feel fat, lazy, undisciplined, and pretty much a failure as far as this issue is concerned. I mean I've been at this a long time. Started BFL in '99. Even came third in my age group in South Africa. Next year 2nd, following year 3rd again.

"HOW DO YOU GO FROM THERE TO HERE." Yes that screaming you hear is me. this a self pity party YES...Am I looking for sympathy NO...I am sussed enough to know that only I can help me...the question I have is with accountability. I have enough experience to know that it helps in the short term. Accountability is critical as a support mechanism over a specific period of time.

I am searching for a way to get past accountability to others and trust myself. Permanently.

I watch AW and I look at the hurt he has been through and his modus operandi but I think to myself ... has he become too dependant on others for his own success.

Please don't get me wrong, I honestly think the guy is a legend but does he have a life. All his posts are about work, the blog and training. Has he restricted himself from ...say, climbing mount everest or hiking in Tibet...wait hang on, bad example...umm say, deep sea fishing in the Bahamas for a month with buddies. How would he make that part of his life without detracting from his physical quest.

Again, I have the greatest respect for the him and I know of no better example to single minded committment and dedication to a goal than what he has achieved...but what now.

Now me...I have many and varied interests, I get out and about, I have a successful property business in addition to my health and fitness business, I love to play golf with my buddies..I am about to go on a 10 day vacation to a beautiful spot on the South African cape coast. I love to socialise....blah, blah blah...

What I want to know is this..Knowing that bad habits are just waiting to smack you on the back of the head when you drop your guard, how do you get past the point where you are now in great shape and want to stay there.

Yes, yes, I know it's a choice that you make but my social circle are not bodybuilders so the healthy choice becomes more difficult to maintain.

I have not given up..not by a long shot...and I WILL find the solution, so right now I guess this is me being honest, showing integrity and just cathartically offloading..albeit to a few thousand people...okay, maybe a dozen or so.

I WILL reset my goals, I WILL be part of Shredder 2, I WILL re focus on my eating I WILL get my act together permanently

Starting MONDAY...... ;-)


Anonymous said...

Dougal, I love your post today. you are laying it all out there. the thing is we all go through those same internal dialouges. I know I do! almost verbatim to what you say here. the important thing is to get back in the saddle, no matter how far you fall. we want you to be a part of shredder council 2.0!

Marbella said...

Dang Dougal! Such a good look into you, and what I see is someone so normal, so like the rest of us, that it only goes to say that you are honest, a good mate, living life to the fullest, AND doing the best you can. What more can you ask? Hope you find the *Way*, so I can copy it.
Thanx for the soul-baring! Best part of today.

Mike Groom said...

No sympathy from me mate! Just go out there and get it done! I, for one, will push you daily.

dougal said...

Boy how these comments typify the male and female response. Female, clucking in sympathy...which I appreciate..we all like to be wrapped in cotton wool and then of course the male side like Mike, an australian to boot, who's attitude is "stop whinging and get on with it.". Good on yer Mate..I know I will appreciate your support in the months to come.

Thanks guys I appreciate you all.

Debbie said...

Dougal, great post today. We all try to balance how much internet/blog time we spend with the rest of our day/life. Most of us have many other goals besides fitness. I have MANY! What's our alternative with getting fit. For those that are doing the blogging daily - it's working. And that's what we all want - RESULTS!

My 1-2-3 Fat Loss Solution said...

I can so relate - suggestion..try a similar challenge I'm on and see what happens...sometimes we have to jump right into freezing cold water and by pass the tippy toeing stuff. Best...U can so do it!

Your Grateful Cyber-friend, Christy said...

Great post, Dougal. I think you're great no matter what you eat or don't eat. I just can't help it. I personally think blogging your feelings like you just did IS the solution. Just to get whatever is on the inside out and take a look at it always seems to help me. I believe your natural state is greatness. I don't like other people holding me accountable. I like support though. This is a really great post. AND a great closing LINE. I LOVE a great exit line! :)

Michael said...

Dougal, while I agree with you about giving up your life for the physical quest we are all on, I believe that all you sacrifice when you DON'T give up on your socializing time is faster results. When you socialize your results are slower. AW is able to get really fast results because he is able to restrict himself. I am not that way and apparently you are not either. I'm with Mike...I'm coming by daily to kick your butt so I expect hard work from you.

dougal said...

Christy,you get me..I realised that after having written that post I feel a whole lot better and ready to go...again. Thanks you..oh and glad you liked my close. I thought it was really funny.

My man Mike, thanks for popping by bud. You are so right..actually that's the just takes longer, SO WHAT. Thanks bud will appreciate your support. You WILL get the hard yards from me.

Joni said...

Another fantastic post - like the others said, I think we all feel like this from time to time and the ones that win are the ones who keep coming back to fight. So that's you, and I am glad to have you with us on this journey.

dougal said...

Thank you Joni, I love your support and I'm looking forward to continuing the journey with you and the rest of us.

Adam Waters said...

Hi Dougal, I admire your honesty. I also admire the fact that you did BFL back around the same time I did. All we had to go on was the book, there were no support sites or blogs back then. We have a common bond there.

Dougal, you know first hand what is required to get the job done in 12 weeks for a total transformation. If you are not getting the results you desire you also know there is only one person who can rectify it.

It took me 6 years to figure out the "missing link" and why I failed over and over again. I do this because this is my passion, and when you love something like that it is not "work".

As for the part about "is he too dependent on others for his success" I honestly don't understand where you are coming from. I started by myself on Day 1 and went through to Day 352 by myself before we started the Group Shred.

Since that time us Shredders have formed many great friendships which is awesome. The reality is though when it comes time to do the "real work" we are accountable to ourselves first and foremost. The
Shredder accountability factor comes into play when it comes time to tell the truth on your blog by posting that day's pic and your log. We also have free will so we don't have to post daily if we don't want to. At the end of the day the decisions and actions we take are up to us.

In regards to "does he have a life", I'm not sure if you know this but I have just gotten back from New York where I hung out with Tom Venuto and Suzette, Joni, Debbie and Lilla. This was one of the greatest experiences of my life. And maybe one day I will climb MT. Everest too!

Anyway mate, I know that deep down you know all this already. I'm in your corner and I will be back at your blog every day you make a post to keep you accountable!

Whatever your dreams are mate it is my sincere wish for you that you manifest them.

Adam Waters