I was saying to Carlos yesterday, I feel like I'm in round 20 of a 15 round fight.
I feel battered and bruised physically and emotionally and I have to admit that apart from my recognisable flu like systems which make me feel awful I've had a little self pity party today.
Hey, I'm allowed.
The thing with me is that when something like this happens I get introspective. I go inside myself and get very quiet. I analyse the situation decide on a course of action and then I come out of my shell and I'm fine again. Very seldom does my 'down' time last more than half a day or so.
But...
This is different. I have no frame of reference for what has happened to me over the last 7 months. I have been knocked over so many times I don't know which way is up any more.
I have been on roller coaster rides with my kids before but nothing as scary as this.
I am trying to assess the risks of what I'm about to go through but even the mighty Google is pretty sparse as far as ' risks associated with early removal of cervical hardware.' searches is concerned
I see my neurosurgeon monday morning to run through all the options, the risks, the positives, the percentages....doesn't stop me 'running the numbers' myself ahead of time though.
Phew....I'm tired....tired of getting up off the canvas, tired of heading into the middle of the ring for another round. Am I about to throw in the towel.....no chance, I'm a long way from that.
All I need....all we all need in situations like this is a little breather to regroup. refocus and hit the ground running again.
Right, that's off my chest, I feel better now.....LET'S GO FOR A SWIM, c'mon.
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9 comments:
You've been swimming in the deep end of the pool for a while with all this, Dougal! Oh my goodness...but what an inspiration you are to so many...and I think you have more to give others, so you will come out of this even stronger than you've EVER been...
Blessings and prayers,
Margaret
Dougal, I'm thinking of you. You are in my heart and prayers. You get to feel any way you want for any amount of time you want. Everything and anything you feel or want to blog about is absolutely perfect always no matter what. Still love you.
Gee Whiz...what you need is some Shredder TLC, and you know that you have us right there with you no matter what. Maybe some pity parties or downtime is what you need. Get it out and regroup. Maybe get positive when you can and just see if that will help sandbag. Wish I could say something helpful, but I know about the only thing to say is that we all admire you TREMENDOUSLY for your strength and bravery. We´re here for you. Always.
Lynda
Thanks so much girls. Your love and support means a huge amount to me and certainly helps to make the down time easier. Thanks for making time to pop...you are great friends, thank you.
Dougal,
Was just thinking...how are we going to know how you are? How the operation turned out? How you are feeling? Isn´t there someone there, maybe your Special Lady that could tell us? Would be great for you to figure out a way to keep us informed....
Is there any way?
Lynda
Lynda, yes I will get Karen to let everyone know what's happeneing. Thank you so much for your concern.
I'm see the N/S monday at 9.30am
I expect great things to happen for you Dougal. My intuition tells me you've already been through the worst of it and it can only go up from here the rest is just a "walk in the park" my friend. God is in his heavens and he keeps planets in the sky surely he is by your side in every step of this journey. Let go and let the universe work out the details. My constant thoughts are with you on this dark journey but you will come out on the other side bigger and better and right as rain....
Liz, thank you for your comforting message...it is greatly appreciated.
Liz, thank you for your comforting message...it is greatly appreciated.
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