Tuesday, July 15, 2008

THE CRUSADES - by dougal macdonald Chief Evangalist - 2nd 28 day | Day 5

What is it that fascinates us about leaness in the human form? Who was the first person or group of people to decided that lean and muscular was the way to go?

How come we are not all striving to be 130kgs and 53% bodyfat?

Can you imagine this scenario:
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen and a warm welcome to the 2009 european summer collection, we are going to show you the very latest in beautiful swim wear for your european summer holiday....as you can see fashionable swim wear gets smaller each year and this year is no different." Lights start flashing, music starts thumping, and the ramp floor starts bouncing...."Ladies and Gentleman our fist model in a stunning skin tight ultra small bikini, Naomi Crumble." An audible sigh of admiration from the very experienced audience as Naomi lumbers onto the stage looking like a beached whale. "Oh my goodness, exclaims an afficionado in the front row, She's put on at least another 15 kilograms from last year, oh my, she's absolutely exquisite". Smiling Naomi turns and lumbers off stage as the italion supermodel Fabio Luvafood, is smashing the last of a chocolate eclair into his face before he rolls slowly onto the ramp.

A blond socialite 2nd row left almost falls off her seat with delight...."Ohhh Fabio, ohh, my fat fat Fabio", she sighs. Two others VIP guests turn to each other and simoultaneously gasp.."Is, Is, Is, he actually wearing a costume at all." His fleshy skirt completely covered his nether regions making it impossible to see if he had remembered to put on his Karl Largerfelt original bathing suit whilst stuffing the last of the cream chocolate mix into his mouth.

"Oh I so love these shows" say two VIP's to each other, "I just love the way the models just get fatter and fatter each year...how exquisite. By the way, it's my turn for lunch, there's a fabulous new Kentucky Fried chicken just off the strip, I had to book 3 months ago for a table. They have an all you can eat special. C'mon let's hurry".

Just a tongue in cheek, lighthearted look at the way we see bodies...others and our own and imagining, just for today, how it would be if things were different.

14 comments:

Mike Groom said...

Great post Dougal! It's interesting to ponder what could be...

dougal said...

It's good to wonder Mike, makes us think

Larry said...

Where do you get this stuff from? You're a hoot Dougal. We do need to laugh - sometimes we can take ourselves a bit too seriously. Take care.

dougal said...

Heya Larry, just comes out of the pores. Thanks Buddy.

Michael said...

That's funny stuff Dougal! But you are right, it is a societal thing. makes you wonder how we got to this point?

Shari Kraft said...

You cracka me up! I was watching some thing on Discovery or History channel about The Parthenon. They were showing the most exquisite sculptures. ALL of them, men or women, were muscled up and looked fabulous. They appreciated a good six pack even then!

Marbella said...

Dougal, I felt so happy and at ease when you said 53% BF and 130 kilos...alas, fame is not to be...my BF% is now under 50%...(I might be kidding, and I might not be...).
Loved that parody, and thought you write better than anybody else ever. Mr. Dougal Macdonald! You have just got to do something with that talent you have. Plus with all the others we still haven´t heard about. You are really fabulous in case you didn´t know...
Lynda

Adam Waters said...

Great post Dougal, Your writing style is very captivating in the way you paint a mental picture. You also make a very interesting point mate!
Adam

~liz said...

I was pondering a similar topic while on my hike today. Having lived both sides of the fat fence ie I was always skinny my entire life until 10 operations, 3 life threatening illnesses and the loss of major body organs as a result of the surgeries over time I gradually gained weight. I am now what you would consider obese. People have not lived my life or in my shoes. I was never mean or rude to fat people when I was a skinny person. In fact, I don't think I even thought about it. I can tell you I have experienced a lot of stares, snickering (as I walk by sometimes) etc... I thought why is it that people can judge just because you might be different. Anyway, I personally don't care because I was a skinny person my whole life and they don't know what I have been through so poo on them. Anyway, there is no fault in someone who is trying. They may not look perfect but I bet there is a good reason most people are over weight and its not always because someone is a lazy slob. It could just be medical condition etc. People should stop judging others. Just rambling a bit off topic. Thanks for all of your words of encouragement that you share. You are an inspiration.

dougal said...

Michael, thanks man, partly societal, mostly health related.

Shari, dunno, just sit down at the puter and it tumbles out.

Lynda, seriously now, thank you so much for your post, you make me feel terrific.

Adam, thanks mate, appreciate you popping in. Interesting subject isn't it. BTW can't wait for saturday.

Liz, ramble all you want, what you say is very current and judgement from leaner people is silly because its not as if they are perfect in every area of their life. Anyway you're at the right place...we are here to support you all the way and as long as you are trying to achieve a goal you are a winner. Day by Day.

Your Grateful Cyber-friend, Christy said...

Hey I was here earlier and commented on this post, but something wonky must have happened.

Anyway, I love this post. Very funny. Bravo!

dougal said...

Christy, don't know what's going on with my connection, I repl to all comments but they sometimes don't show. Go figure. Thank you, I'm glad you enjopyed.

Debbie said...

Dougal, very funny post. It's so true, though. I remember seeing photos where women who were 'portly' were more desirable (back in the 1800's I believe). As society continues to become more out of shape, those in shape will stand out even more.

dougal said...

Hey Deb, Reubanesque was the term and you're right, very desirable they were. The problem now is way out of hand though.