Thursday, June 11, 2009

M1 | Day 80 and CONTEST | Day 40

When the chips are really down, what do YOU do?

I wrote this in November last year prior to my last operation to remove the hardware.
At this time where some spirits are flagging and some are uncertain and some need to lift themselves up.....I thought this may help.

I was saying to Carlos yesterday, I feel like I'm in round 20 of a 15 round fight.
I feel battered and bruised physically and emotionally and I have to admit that apart from my recognisable flu like systems which make me feel awful I've had a little self pity party today.

Hey, I'm allowed.

The thing with me is that when something like this happens I get introspective. I go inside myself and get very quiet. I analyse the situation decide on a course of action and then I come out of my shell and I'm fine again. Very seldom does my 'down' time last more than half a day or so.


This is different. I have no frame of reference for what has happened to me over the last 7 months. I have been knocked over so many times I don't know which way is up any more.

I have been on roller coaster rides with my kids before but nothing as scary as this.

I am trying to assess the risks of what I'm about to go through but even the mighty Google is pretty sparse as far as ' risks associated with early removal of cervical hardware.' searches is concerned

I see my neurosurgeon monday morning to run through all the options, the risks, the positives, the percentages....doesn't stop me 'running the numbers' myself ahead of time though.

Phew....I'm tired....tired of getting up off the canvas, tired of heading into the middle of the ring for another round. Am I about to throw in the chance, I'm a long way from that.

All I need....all we all need in situations like this is a little breather to regroup. refocus and hit the ground running again.

Right, that's off my chest, I feel better now.....LET'S GO FOR A SWIM, c'mon.

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